I read an article the other day on TechCrunch about how Twitter is hiring an employee to handle celebrity relations. According to the article, that person’s job duties would be to “make sure the celebrities on Twitter are ‘happy’ and use the service effectively, whatever that means.”

WHOA. WHOA. Hold up. Stop the presses. Insert that scratchy record back-up sound here. “Whatever that means?” I think we all know exactly what that means.

It means:

• Avoid excessive use of exclamation points in every tweet you send!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• Stop endlessly pimping yourself out. Sure, there’s nothing wrong with slipping in mentions of your new movie or venture here and there. But really, when every tweet is some variation of: I’m going to the studio to record my album!!! It’s sooooo fun!! It’s going to be the bestest EVER!! We. Get. It.

• AVOID weird PLACEMENT OF CAPS whenever POSSIBLE!!! ESPECIALLY when MIXED IN with incessant EXCLAMATIONS!!!

Honestly, I can see why some celebrities have “ghost twitterers.” Some just shouldn’t be left alone with Twitterberry or Twitterific.

I won’t call out the guilty celebritweets. But I will give props to who does it best: @the_real_shaq. Last year, I couldn’t have cared less about Shaq. Now? ILOVEHIM. Yes, he has awful grammar. And yes, he can’t spell either. But somehow, he pulls it off in an amusing way that isn’t the least bit annoying. His tweets are so awesome that they inspired a blog – lolshaq.com.

Anymore celebritweet tips? Add them to the comments.